Top and bottom of this post is that pain is a bitch. Life can be a bitch. I’m not here to complain. I want to be able to voice the difficulties of dealing with pain. To be a voice for those in pain, those previously had pain, those watching someone they love in pain.
Living with chronic pain, you learn how to live with it. You learn ways of dealing with pain every single day. But the chronic pain we deal with is different to a new pain, a new illness. Different and additional. If we get ill, we still have our chronic illness but now we have an illness as well. It piles up. It doesn’t make it any easier, we’re just numb to it. It’s sad when you think about it but it’s true. Numb to the fact that everyday your body is going to give you grief one way or another. It can be intense or it can be minimal, but it is very, very unlikely to be nothing at all. A dream that one day it will.
The reason for me writing this is that this past week has been rough. I have faced things that I haven’t had to before. I can deal with my rheumy pain, I know what’s happening. But I have had a UTI that was ascending to my kidneys. Pain in my bladder, stomach and kidneys has absolutely terrified me this last week. It goes to show that the pain we put up with every day would send an average person to A&E. I was in the same amount of pain but somewhere else and scared, I didn’t have a clue what was going on. After multiple Dr trips and new drugs I eventually went to A&E and nearly on the mend. 3 weeks of thinking I can get rid of it, one lot of antibiotics and advice from GP’s, I went back and they gave me new antibiotics, I went back the next day with kidney pain. It got worse not better so I ended up going to A&E. I had IV fluids and IV paracetamol and they sent me home. The last thing I wanted was to stay in hospital, but as I said to the Dr I also don’t want to go home until I know it won’t get worse and I know I’m going to be okay. She was weary due to my biologics and low immune system but they were happy that because I didn’t have a fever it was manageable. I definitely slept better after knowing I’d been and it wasn’t anything more serious. I just can’t even imagine how much pain I would’ve been in if I wasn’t already on all my painkillers. I felt so pathetic and dramatic but since I’ve taken time to think about it I know that I did the right thing. I know that it doesn’t matter how silly we think we’re being, we’re doing what is right for ourselves, our health, our future. And really, that’s the only thing that matters.
I admire everyone with chronic illnesses, with new symptoms, those having to go hospital all the time. It is awful and takes a lot of courage. I don’t think everyone understands that. I honestly am so grateful that I have had the chance to speak with others that understand me and this whole chronic illness community.
Thanks for reading,
Ali x
See reel @ instagram.com/alidaggett
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